Sydney Sweeney has been dominating our feeds. Actually, not her. It’s been women athletes asking (again) to be valued for skills over sex appeal.
Regardless of which side of this particular culture war you fall on, there’s one thing we can all agree on: there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other. But is there? Because when we ask Powrsuiters, they often tell us that their worst manager was… Another woman.
The phenomenon of women not supporting each other is alive and well. We’re probably all guilty of it – snide remarks about face-lifts, calling a celeb ‘unlikable’, raising our eyebrows when there’s too much cleavage on display. Little harmless harmful comments.
Set in a country club in 1969, the show revolves around a social climber coming up against the established elite. Mayhem ensues.
Their antics may seem vapid and frivolous, but that misses the point. For most of history, women have been forced to compete. Without the ability to build financial independence, our fortunes were often tied to the men we married. We were pitted against each other to secure an eligible bachelor… And keep him.
As paid employment became more accessible to women, more and more of us started building economic freedom. But while the overall workforce progressed fairly quickly towards equal representation, there has only ever been room for a handful of women at the top. In the year 2000, women made up almost 46.5% of the workforce. At the same time, only 12.5% of execs in Fortune 500 companies were women. Just two of them were CEO.
We weren’t competing with men for those roles. We were allotted a fraction of them, and it was other women who could steal them out from under us.
The world has changed
Our attitudes aren’t shaped by the world that is, but by the world we see. Romcom fans will know this too well. We re-watch Love Actually every year, obliviously internalising the fat-shaming, power abuses, and the fact it only passes the Bechdel Test because of one short conversation.
Most of us were raised on a diet of, well, diets. We’ve been conditioned to judge other women based on strict rules around looks and behaviour, and we’ve been taught to treat other women’s success as a threat to our own.
But that scarcity mindset no longer makes sense. While we’re still a way off gender equity, we can earn our own money, make our own choices and build our own careers without waiting for permission.
We’re all active contributors to culture. Small actions won’t change the world, but their ripple effects just might. So, here are 5 simple things we can all do to fast-forward progress:
1. Say it out loud
If you notice something good about another woman (even if it sparks envy), tell her. Be specific: “The way you handled that client pushback was really effective” has a lot more impact than “great job today.”
Same goes with supporting each other’s ideas. When a woman makes a good point, repeat it out loud, and credit her by name. Obama’s female staffers built amplification into a deliberate practice, and it led to him calling on women and junior staff more often.
2. Sponsor someone
We have to overcome our instinct to want everyone to battle as hard as we did. Instead, we should deliberately make life easier for them.
Sponsorship means using your credibility and influence to put someone forward for opportunities they wouldn’t otherwise have access to. You don’t need the official title to advocate for another woman. Nominate them for the project, speaking gig or promotion. Open doors. Make connections. Remove barriers.
Side note: chat to us about your formal sponsorship programme – we can help.
3. Model the behaviour you want to see
Disparage your body? Talk yourself down? It may feel like simple self-criticism, but what we’re really doing is telling other women that confidence (and self-love) is not acceptable. Next time your inner critic tries to speak up, think about what it’s really saying.
4. Apply critical thinking
A lot of social media feeds and marketing campaigns are designed to make us believe our looks and likability are our most valuable assets. If you catch yourself judging another woman on her clothes, confidence, or decision to pose semi-nude for a gambling app, you’re playing right into their hands.
Check what you’re really criticising her for – it’s valid to have a problem with someone sexualising female athletes, but less so to judge them for being plain sexy.
5. Kill comparison culture
Measure your career, body or parenting against other women? Comparison creates a ranking system that keeps us embedded in scarcity.
Your colleague getting a promotion doesn’t mean you can’t also get one. Your sister-in-law’s decision to breastfeed till five doesn’t reflect on your decision to bottle-feed from day one. Someone else’s success isn’t your failure; we can all shine.
Stronger together
History is littered with examples of women coming together to change the world – from equal pay to civil rights, drink driving to violence. But we aren’t perfect. Power and privilege tend to play out between us in much the same ways as they usually do.
But they don’t have to. As Gloria Steinem so eloquently put it, “The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn but to unlearn.”
