46 mins: Stop proving yourself!

What you'll learn:

Dr Amanda Sterling did her PhD on mothers in leadership after being told she ‘lacked confidence and experience’ when returning from maternity leave – despite delivering with executives (and feeling just fine, thanks). Her research revealed thousands of women had identical experiences: feeling like they had failed. She shared some themes:

💡 Stop trying to prove yourself – redirect that energy instead – Amanda’s research found women go to extra lengths after having kids to prove they’re ‘just as capable, competent, and committed’ as before. You’re doing the motherhood bit, the leadership bit, PLUS extra labour to demonstrate you’re not deficient. This extra proving rarely gets you ahead; it just exhausts you. Have the conversations before you start back – with your workplace about parental support, with your partner about a fair division of labour.

💡 That ‘confidence’ feedback? When you don’t see yourself represented in leadership or you’ve watched how women in power get talked about, your brain registers a threat. What gets labelled as ‘lacking confidence’ is often your brain picking up warning signs about whether this environment is a fit for you. Get curious about what your hesitation is telling you – it might be protecting you from something that doesn’t align with your values.

💡 Emotions are data – Name what you’re feeling (anger, resentment, shame, stress). Ask: ‘How is this emotion helping me? What’s it telling me about what matters?’ Then: ‘How do I want to show up?’ Amanda uses if-then statements: ‘If X person makes me angry, I’ll take a breath and decide if this impacts my team. If yes, I’ll say Y. If no, I’ll let it slide.’ Have your response ready so you’re not scrambling in the moment.

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