If you want to be happy, practice compassion

On Sunday, Nat found herself consoling a homesick exchange student. This brave young woman has spent months navigating a foreign culture after landing in a pretty unsupportive environment. She misses her boyfriend and family, and language barriers probably add to an overall feeling of isolation. Tough stuff.

Her situation continued to play on Nat’s mind well into the night. 

Empathy is a critical leadership skill

Empathy is an unconscious reflex; it’s our brain’s way of connecting with people. Defined as ‘understanding and sharing the feelings of another’, empathy is widely celebrated as a critical modern leadership skill. 

And it is important. Great leaders understand the needs of their people, getting to know the human behind the role. This is how we inspire high-performing teams.

When challenges arise, we can subconsciously adopt unhelpful roles.

Empathy is a double-edged sword

Podcasters Hamish and Andy have turned extreme empathy into comedy gold. With listeners reporting fears of making unwanted clothes feel sad and concerns for the plight of trucks going uphill, they shine a spotlight on the problem with empathy: It’s exhausting.

Unsurprisingly, one of the biggest challenges we hear from leaders is the emotional burden they inherit from people in their teams. Far from the command and control style of old, the leaders we speak to genuinely care about the welfare of their people.

Most quickly burn out from being a coach, therapist (and Hero?) in one.

The era of sustainable caring

It’s one thing to provide comfort and support when times get tough, but it’s entirely another to wind yourself in knots by adopting the emotional burden of everyone (and everything) you interact with.

If you’re overwhelmed by other people’s problems, it’s probably time to move from empathy to compassion. The two are very different – they’re even experienced in different parts of our brains. 

Unlike empathy, compassion is a deliberate choice. It’s the ‘sympathetic concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others’. AKA the ability to care at an arms-length. Compassion helps you meet the emotional needs of your family, friends and team without taking their experiences on as your own. 

Often sparked by empathy, compassion enables us to step back and ask, ‘How can I help?’

Aim for compassion, not just empathy

Practising compassion may not be easy, but it can be the difference between overload and impact. When your job is to deal with people in times of strife (think nurses, doctors, police, etc.), the emotional connection that comes from empathy can quickly become counterproductive. To work sustainably, people in these roles become experts at moving from emotion (empathy) to action (compassion).

After a night spent tossing and turning, Nat agrees. Worrying about an exchange student she barely knows isn’t helping anyone – it’s simply interrupting much-needed sleep.  

Want more? Dr Fiona Crichton, a health psychology specialist, sparked our thinking on this topic. She’ll deliver an upcoming 15-minute mini-masterclass on ‘Finding Your Why’. Become a member to participate.