How to influence and win people

Ever attempted to persuade a colleague to support your initiative? Or tried to sway someone at the other end of the political spectrum? How about a dinner table debate about the benefits of eating celery? 

Chances are, your influencing attempts got a lukewarm response – at best. 

And, if you’re anything like us, you spent the next few hours, days, or weeks wondering where you went wrong. 

We’re bad at influencing others 

If we asked you to influence your way to securing two backstage passes to Taylor Swift (Beyonce?), how would you go about it? Most of us would adopt one of two tactics:

Guilt: Delivering your best sob story – why you deserve/need/can’t live without the tickets.

Incentive: Offering a financial reward or reciprocal favour.

These techniques showcase our poor understanding of influence. While they may work in a one-off transaction, neither represents a realistic way to tackle everyday workplace scenarios nor will they help you build the social capital required to be an effective leader.  

According to influencing expert (and Powrsuit ally) Stu Van Rij, this isn’t the only problem. We approach influencing like a golf pro with only one club. By defaulting to the same tactic in every scenario, we’re setting ourselves up to fail.

See the whole course, not just the first hole

Let’s take the golf analogy further. Looking forward to 18 holes, we assume the first swing is the best time to convince everyone else how right we are. From a cold start, we (excuse the pun) drive home our case with data, presentations and storytelling.

Have you ever been convinced by that approach?

The reason convincing doesn’t work is that it’s obvious you’re trying to change someone to suit your needs – otherwise, they wouldn’t need convincing, would they? It’s like walking into a shop and getting a hard sell on bumster jeans. No, they are not making a comeback, but that aside, a Pitch Slap puts everyone on the defensive.

You have 18 holes, so use them to set the groundwork for your final swing.

Play the player, not the game

Influencing isn’t about you. It’s about them. Your job is to connect the dots between what stakeholders want and your idea, strategy, tool, deadline or budget. And while we’d all love to get a hole-in-one, only 1-2% of golfers achieve that goal (Kristen is one of them #Pro).

So approach influencing as you’d approach each hole: a series of actions that take you closer to buy-in. Each golf club is a tactic – know the right one to apply at the right time. Even amateurs usually have 14 to choose from – that’s a lot of options.

It’s really not about you

Let’s say you have a great idea for your next team day that you want to pitch to your manager. Use the driver to drive your thinking away from yourself. As Stu says, start by asking, “What’s it like to be them?”.

Get curious about your manager’s goals, motivations, blind spots and knowledge gaps. If they have an overflowing diary, big impending deadlines and slashed budgets, your ‘great idea’ will likely go down like a lead balloon. Had you teed off with an attempt at convincing, you’d have received a frustrated ‘no’. 

Instead, you’re a swing up, and it’s time to bust out the iron: actively listening. Or maybe the wedge: building credibility around your expertise. How could a team day take some load off their plate? How could you build confidence in your ability to take on the organising? Is there any wiggle room in the budget?

It’ll take a few hits (and a few clubs) to make it to the green, and that’s ok – influence is a process. Use different tactics to guide your ball close to its destination before getting out your Putter and nudging it gently towards the hole your solution. 

You’re no longer pitching a team day. You’re offering a low-cost way to improve productivity, taking something off your manager’s plate by stepping up or planning a post-deadline celebration. It’s far more compelling.

The work starts before you set foot on the course

We love instant gratification as much as the next Instagram addict, but true influence takes time. And, like most things, it starts well before there’s a concrete reason to do it. 

Just like we need to get job-hunting fit before starting to look, we need to start influencing well before we need a result. Invest in internal networking to build strong relationships, make your value visible, hone your storytelling skills and share your opinions to build trust and credibility.

Then, when it’s time to step onto the golf course, the people you need to convince will be right there on the cart beside you.