How to share the housework fairly

In the 14th century, unmarried women had a hard time finding work. With few options to support themselves, they often took on jobs like spinning wool. Yup, the term ‘spinster’ was created to shame financially independent women.

While our prospects are very different from those of our medieval sisters, we’re still told we should aspire to marriage. This narrative persists despite husbands being the primary beneficiaries. Wives? They’re statistically worse off.

What all those RomComs failed to tell you is that if you aren’t with another woman or single (the happiest group of all), you probably find yourself in a daily battle with deeply engrained gender norms.

This battle is fought on the home front.

Behind every great (married) woman is a partner who shares the load

When Jacinda Ardern resigned as New Zealand Prime Minister, many assumed the celebrated leader walked away to spend more time with her 4-year-old. We’re still waiting to hear the same assumption applied to men who bow out.

Neve is a gorgeous girl, but the double standards that working women and men face are anything but. If you’re finding it hard to juggle the personal and professional, know this: you are not alone. We’ve spoken to executive coaches who spend a disproportionate amount of their (expensive) time helping high-achieving women negotiate household chores with their husbands.

When the problem is this widespread, it’s not you that’s broken; it’s the system.

Household demands negatively impact women’s careers, but they shouldn’t have to. Join us to defy the stats and create a home life that re-distributes the workload so that we, too, can reach our career goals, whatever they may be.

It’s time to make home life work for you

No one (apart from Nat) enjoys cleaning, and no one (including Nat) wants to do the dishes. But these chores, along with many others, still need to be done. How they are done, however, is totally up for grabs. We’ve picked the brains of experts and professional women and pulled together three approaches to fairly divide the mental load to free up time for the things that matter (pssst. That’s you).

Pay to make them go away

List all your household chores, then identify the ones you can pay others to do. Yes, we understand there’s a level of privilege in the ability to outsource, but you don’t necessarily have to follow through. Simply putting a financial figure on this previously ‘free’ labour can help re-frame the value and effort required. Consider it a conversation starter to help weigh up whether a monthly lawn mow really delivers the same value as daily cleaning.

If you do have spare cash, outsourcing could be your best investment. Even if it means cutting a streaming service or two, your sanity will thank you. If money is too tight, a short-term arrangement might be enough to buy some head space. At the very least, stock up your shopping trolley for the shared lunch instead of firing up your oven.

Divide the doing

If we had a dollar for every time we heard that women are naturally better at multitasking, we’d be on a flight to Hawaii. We’re not. Incidentally, women are not better at seeing mess either. What we are good at, however, is taking on the role of project manager and doer at home (while overloading ourselves at work 🤦‍♀️). But we don’t need to.

Are you in a relationship with someone who is pathologically unable to remember school trips, appointments, gifts, or the shopping list? Then, it’s probably time to realise your ‘feedback’ is reaching deaf ears. Instead, play to your strengths. Split household roles into two: you can embrace the role of project manager and make sure the house runs like clockwork – but leave all the doing to your partner. It’s time to walk away from the dishes, washing machine and vacuum.

Own the task

Instead of breaking chores down by role, why not break them down by task? Grab your partner and a glass of something yummy, and create a complete list of everything required to keep your household functioning (or take a shortcut and buy this great game).

After dividing the chores fairly (not necessarily equally) between you, agree on the minimum standard required. Do you really have to iron pillowcases? What does a ‘clean’ kitchen look like? Your tasks become one person’s responsibility to complete from planning to execution – yep, the whole shebang. And you do it to the agreed minimum standard.

Remember to schedule regular check-ins to review and reshuffle work as required.

Breadwinner or breadmaker?

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: Never before has one person been expected to be the breadwinner and the breadmaker. As women rise up the workforce ranks, our partners also need to step up on the home front.

Change doesn’t happen by chance, so join us to take action.