How to respond to microaggressions at work

Have you been given feedback about your lack of executive presence? Oh, c’mon, smile; your resting bi*ch face makes you unlikeable. Stop being so emotional; it was just a joke. There’s a good girl; could you get me a cuppa while you’re out?

How’s your blood pressure? Just writing that got ours boiling.

Microaggressions are small acts that have big consequences. They are subtle, intentional (or unintentional) interactions that convey bias toward under-represented groups. These insidious actions may not hit headlines, but they can be just as damaging as boob grabs and butt slaps.

It’s not your responsibility to respond

Before continuing, we need to be clear: It’s never your responsibility to defend yourself against degrading, infantilising, or gendered comments or actions at work. It breaks our hearts to say this, but in many workplaces, reporting microaggressions can have negative consequences. Even in organisations with excellent policies and practices, not all of us are comfortable making a big fuss over a ‘small’ comment.

But doing nothing can leave us feeling powrless.

Why not just report microaggressions? 

In many countries, discrimination and retaliation are illegal. We should be able to report discrimination without fear of any backlash or reprisal. However, the 2023 Deloitte Women @ Work study found that almost half of women respondents had been victims of microaggressions and/or harassment last year. Most of them didn’t report it. 

Those numbers reflect the experiences of Powrsuiters. From being told to ‘shhh’ (complete with exaggerated hand signal) to being asked to smile more or buy an executive lunch, examples shared by our community highlight a sad truth: laws alone don’t change culture. 

When the comment comes from the CEO, who do you escalate your complaint to? What if there weren’t any witnesses? What if there were witnesses, but none of them batted an eyelid? Whether microaggressions happen in a packed room or one-on-one, they all result in an underlying sense of self-doubt and frustration, especially when we didn’t do anything about it.

So, what do you do? 

We can’t tell you whether or not to report microaggressions—only you know if you feel safe doing so. We can equip you with some tactics to use in the moment.

Allies, you have a big role here. Discrimination can be invisible to everyone but the person it’s directed at. It can also be disguised as caring. A simple rule: reverse the situation. Would they say it to a man? Would they say it to a white person? If it seems absurd in another scenario, the current one is, too. Those without a vested interest in addressing discrimination are far more persuasive when they stand against it, so here are three ways anyone can respond:

If you hear a disclaimer: 

“I’m not sexist, but…” 

That but? It’s your cue to butt in and suggests that whoever is speaking might want to stop right there. Sub out ‘sexist’ for ‘racist’ or ‘ageist’, and the same goes – especially if you’re not part of the group that’s about to be targeted (and even if no one in that group is present).

The words: “In that case, it’s probably best for you not to continue.”

If you know the facts:

Sadly, perceptions around gender discrimination seem to have changed much faster than the stats. While the leadership gap is barely budging, the idea that the ‘tables have turned’ is gaining traction. 😫 We often hear statements like “All you need to get the role/opportunity now is to be a woman!” or “We all know why she got the role”. These short sentences can undermine years of hard work and achievements. So, if you know the facts, you’re in a strong position to guide someone else to a realisation.

The words:

• “Yes, it’s great we have such a comprehensive recruitment process. It makes us all comfortable that she was the best person for the job.”
• “Oh really? I didn’t realise that. What percentage of the board/exec team/panel are women?”

If you have a witty response:

Humour can be your friend. When used well, it can make a powerful statement. The internet’s hilarity isn’t limited to parodies of Titanic with a cat – wit can address discrimination, too. Google ‘funny retorts to [insert sexist comment here]’ and keep some one-liners in your back pocket.

The words:

• Asked where the coffee is? Say, “I’m not sure, but I’d/she’d like an Americano, thanks!”
• Told equal pay is too hard? Say, “It’s easy; just lower men’s salaries to what women get.” (thanks to the Powrsuiter who shared this one!)
• Gestured to shhh? Say, “You first.”
• Told to ‘smile more’? Say, “Tell me/us a joke first”

We know, we know, these won’t work in certain power dynamics. So, there’s one more way to challenge microaggressions and sexist comments at work…

Turn the tables:

Pretend not to have heard. Put the onus on the person who said it to say it again. They are now in the socially awkward situation of having to repeat/describe/justify their initial comment – which might suddenly feel like a bad idea. At worst, you could witness a flustered doubling down. At best? An on-the-spot apology, without you having to defend yourself. 

The words:

• If referred to as a ‘good girl’, ‘sweetheart’, ‘missy’, etc? Say, “I didn’t quite catch what you called me/said; could you please repeat it?”
• When asked to smile more? Say, “I didn’t hear what you asked me/them to do. Could you say it again?”
• Overheard a sexist ‘joke’? Say, “I didn’t understand. Could you explain the joke?”