How to move forward after a tough decision

Here’s the thing about diversity: It leads to diverse opinions – often strong ones.

Take, for example, the current return to office (RTO) debate. 

In one corner are hardline office-dwellers. This group strongly believes in the power of coming together in person. They value face-to-face collaboration and don’t like at-home ‘distractions’ like laundry, pets and kids. They see empty offices as a sign of disengagement. 

In the opposite corner are ardent supporters of remote work. This group espouses the benefits of working the hours that work. They double down on deep work by cutting commutes and water cooler chat.

Who’s right? Well, both groups are, to an extent. Is it possible to achieve consensus? Maybe. But when faced with such a complex and emotive one-way door decision, even the most empathetic leaders probably won’t be able to keep everyone happy. 

So, what do you do if you disagree with a decision? 

Consensus kills momentum

It can be easy to confuse collaboration and consensus – we assume that by collaborating, we’ll get to an outcome that everyone agrees with. 

When it comes to decision-making, collaboration should be seen as a (polite, professional) boxing match: Diverse teams embrace conflict – sparring over solutions, considerations, context and needs. However, a boxing match is constrained to 12 rounds for a reason: There has to be a winner at some point.

Applying this theory to decision-making, the 13th round is called analysis paralysis. 

One of Barack Obama’s first lessons as US President was that no question crossing his desk had a tidy answer. And decisions do become less and less black and white the further up the career ladder you climb. Executives rarely get enough information or time to make the right decision; they have to make the best one they can in order to keep moving forward.

Disagree and resist

Most of us can identify with the fallout. When a decision feels unreasonable, we feel undervalued, overlooked and annoyed. 

The power of storytelling swings both ways. The tales we tell ourselves about a decision have a huge influence on our behaviour afterwards. When fully immersed in the drama triangle, resistance is the easiest response to decision disappointment.

So we start working against it. We pull out the pass agg playbook to express our frustration. We undermine the decisions (and decision-makers) of our teams and colleagues. We complain, re-litigate, and emotionally tap out. 

It’s easy to see how dysfunctional this behaviour is when put like that.

Don’t like the answer? Go with it anyway

We’ve all thrown our toys when things didn’t go our way – especially when we’re deeply invested in the decision. The problem is that the main victim of our resistance is ourselves – no one promotes the person working against them.

So here’s a better solution: ‘Disagree and Commit’: Table your disappointment, then get on board and move forward.

The concept isn’t new; it dates back to the 1980s. The goal wasn’t to build a merry gang of minions but to:

1. Encourage teams to disagree before a decision is made
   Social cohesion is the biggest killer of good decisions – a silent majority who reluctantly conform without contributing. Engaging in disagreement means all voices are heard, opinions are considered, and decisions are more robust.
    
2. Unite the team behind the decision
   The flip side of collaborative decision-making is collaborative decision execution. In a team environment, it’s everyone’s responsibility (and in everyone’s best interests) to work together to make the decision successful – regardless of what it is.

Don’t think you should return to the office, but the call is made to do it anyway? Oof, that’s tough. It may even be unfair. 

‘Disagree and Commit’ means finding a positive path forward anyway. It means saying, ‘I actually don’t know how this will go, and I hope it goes really well’, then doing your best to make the decision successful.

It’s not people-pleasing, and it’s not setting aside your values; it’s self-leadership. Wherever you can, actively influence decisions with your perspective, then positively contribute once they’re made. After all, you’d expect this from others when a decision falls your way. 

Disagree and quit?

Faced with a decision that you’re really struggling with? It might be time to ask yourself these two questions: 

“Do I back the leaders of this organisation?”

“Do I have the energy and interest to commit to this decision?”

If the answer to either question is ‘no’, it may be time to consider your next step. Yes, ‘Disagree and Quit’ is easier said than done, but we guarantee that ‘Resist and Stay’ is a whole lot harder.