Want a mentor? Create a peer group

Think you need a mentor?

Often, this represents a classic case of jumping too quickly from problem to solution mode, not taking the time to understand what you really need before assuming a mentor will solve it. Yes, they can be a powerful career ally, unlocking thinking, doors and connections, but relying on a mentor can also be counterproductive. 

If you’re looking for a silver bullet for your career – one person who will help you get unstuck, advocate for you, offer solutions and help you land that promotion… You’re setting yourself up to fail. You’re also setting yourself up to be overly influenced by a single perspective – that sample size is too small for solid decision-making. 

Truth bomb time: If you’re not actively fostering multiple peer relationships, you’re not ready for a mentor.

The power of peers

While establishing a mentor relationship can take time and effort, we tend to overlook a more abundant source of support – our peers.

As you progress in your career, so do the people you meet along the way: Your first desk-mate is now a CEO, an ex-colleague has started their own company, a past manager is now smashing it overseas.

You may have been in the same place for a while, but your weak ties have moved up and spread across the workforce.  Not only do they know how uniquely valuable you are, but they (hopefully) also enjoyed working with you. 

Same goes for people you meet at networking events, on sports sidelines, or through friends. If they stand out, they could become valuable career connections.

After early Powrsuit research highlighted the vital role of peer groups in career success, we decided to create ours. So, just over a year ago, we embarked on the Great Peer Group Experiment – and open-sourced our process. Both of us pulled together a separate group of friends, ex-colleagues and second-degree connections. And, wow, it’s been a successful move! One year on, here are five things we’ve learned:

1. Expect an awkwardly formal start

Yes, bringing together a loose set of connections feels a little awkward. You probably don’t know each other well, and structured socialising can be cringy. But formalities are important – stick with them, and you’ll find it quickly becomes more natural.

From there, it’ll take some experimentation to find what works and doesn’t work for your group. We’ve tried different times, days, and locations, setting timers, calling out tangents, and evolving our starter questions, and we are now considering a ‘Chair’ for every meet-up.

Just build feedback into your agenda and keep evolving how you meet, bit by bit.

2. Choose your cadence

Our peer groups have their own cadence.

Nat’s group meets monthly, with a different volunteer host each time. Every person gets the floor each month to share progress on last month’s actions, any challenges and what they plan to do next. 

Kristen’s group meets every 6-8 weeks. After a roundtable of updates, they pick one to two people to focus on each time, utilising the perspectives in the room to dig deeper into a curly challenge or update.

While we both have a slightly different structure, we have both found these to be good starter questions for a roundtable:

1. What’s top of mind for you?
2. What, if any, progress have you made so far?
3. What do you commit to doing this month?

3. Embrace peer pressure

Do not underestimate the positive power of peer pressure. If you catch up with ambitious people every month, you’ll be carried along by their progress.

Everyone in our peer groups has achieved significant goals in the last year, from work accomplishments like promotions, job changes, certifications, board roles, and public speaking to personal progress on everything from surrogacy to co-parenting and investments.

If you surround yourself with people actively getting out of their comfort zones, stretching and putting their hand up for opportunities, it will make complete sense to do the same. 

4. Commitment is queen

If you want to form a bond (and respect each other’s time), everyone must commit to prioritising the peer group. If you (or anyone else) are too busy, it may not be for you… It may be worth challenging whether busyness is the real barrier.

We started with strict rules – fail to turn up, and you’re out. Why? Because it’s easy to deprioritise ‘non-essentials’ in favour of fighting fires. That draconian approach really worked. Several potential attendees never made it beyond the first calendar invite – and that’s ok because your peer group needs to work for you, and theirs for them. Over time, we’ve relaxed a little but quickly address changing schedules, last-minute cancellations and new circumstances.

We usually find 6 out of 8 peers turn up now, which works well.

5. The price of entry: Vulnerability

As with all the best things in life, you get out what you put into your peer group. This is your safe space to work through challenges and share successes. If anything or anyone is stopping you from doing that, it’s no longer the peer group for you.

If you can, avoid including people you work with or compete with. It’s harder to be vulnerable if you know you’re sharing the cone of silence with someone who influences your work.

At first, going beyond the glossy surface might be hard, especially when you’re used to putting on a brave face. Our advice: Get over it. Bringing your full self to your peer group is the fastest way to get the help you need to turn up as your best self everywhere else.

It probably took 2-3 meet-ups each before we felt comfortable baring our souls. 

Got your peer group yet?

If we’ve made you jealous of this epic secret society we each belong to, good. You can easily create your own – all you have to do is send that first invite.