How to be grounded in optimism

Admiral Jim Stockdale was the highest-ranking United States officer in the “Hanoi Hilton” prisoner-of-war camp during the Vietnam War. He endured more than eight years of captivity and was tortured over twenty times – yet he was one of the few who survived.

Years later, he was interviewed by Jim Collins for his book Good to Great. It was during that conversation that Jim coined the term Stockdale Paradox: The ability to confront the brutal reality of your situation while holding firm to the belief that things can get better.

Stockdale credited his ability to embrace these two seemingly contradictory ideas as central to his survival. 

Facing the mountain, head on

We first heard about the Stockdale Paradox from Powrsuit expert Shannon Huffman Polson. As the youngest woman to climb Denali and the first to fly attack helicopters in the US Army, Shannon knows a thing or two about the grit and courage required to do hard things. Recently, Allana Coulon also brought up the concept in our interview about navigating difficult decisions and life-changing pivots.

Both these inspirational leaders have faced more than their fair share of adversity. Shannon has even become a globally renowned expert on the subject. Before writing The Grit Factor, she interviewed extraordinary women who have succeeded despite the odds. Spotting commonalities, she labelled their shared philosophy Grounded Optimism.

Challenge is relative

We experience challenges relatively: Our sense of ‘hard’ is shaped by our experiences. It’s not toughness, but exposure.

In the absence of immense difficulty, our bodies process smaller trials as bigger threats – those of us who haven’t endured solitary confinement will have a naturally lower tolerance than someone who has. 

So if you’re feeling overwhelmed by your calendar, interpersonal conflicts, the juggle, or never-ending transformation, your struggle is real. You can’t compare that struggle to anyone else’s, but you can use your experiences to gradually shift your baseline for hardship. 

The more obstacles we overcome, the more evidence our nervous systems collect that discomfort is survivable. And the challenges don’t have to be traumatic. Moderate, manageable adversity builds coping capacity over time. Psychologists call this adaptation-level theory, and one of the smartest ways to adapt is by practising the Stockdale Paradox.

Grounded Optimism in Practice

When facing a setback, most of us default to one of two approaches: Pretend everything is fine and hope it magically sorts itself out, or get stuck in a spiral of negativity and despair. Neither approach works particularly well.

Instead, we can use everyday challenges to practise grounded optimism by holding two truths at once:

Facing a job loss? Acknowledge the destabilisation, lack of clarity, and emotional and financial impact. Then look for what you can influence and where to take your next step.

Received critical feedback? Let yourself feel the sting and defensiveness. Then, extract any information you can use to improve and learn from it.

Feeling overloaded? Admit that you’re stretched and tired. And, prioritise one thing you can do to change your situation (don’t try to fix everything!).

Struggling with a job search? Expect it to be slow, frustrating, and rejection-heavy. And use each application to sharpen your story and communication skills.

Dealing with a difficult manager? Acknowledge that the relationship is hard and that you can’t change other people. Then look for opportunities to improve your boundaries and communication.

Learning something new? Accept that you’re going to be bad at first, and remind yourself that it’s not failure, it’s learning.

Facing a tough conversation? Name the discomfort and your instinct to avoid it. Remind yourself that having the conversation is usually what makes things better.

Feet on the floor, eyes forward

Realism and optimism make a great pair – together, they’re the bedrock of self-leadership.

No matter how privileged our lives may look (*cough* Brooklyn Beckham *cough*), we all face adversity. Much of what shapes our experience sits well outside our control: Where we’re born, who we’re born to, timing, luck, systems, and the state of the world.

Life is unfair. Bad things are bad. Pretending otherwise doesn’t help. What does help is staying grounded in reality, without losing belief in our ability to influence what comes next.

You’re welcome to adopt our new favourite mantra: Feet on the floor. Eyes forward. One step at a time.