The most powerful word in your vocabulary is ‘no’

Work/life balance is a tenuous concept at the best of times, but when you have too many balls in the air, the wrong ones tend to get dropped.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Yes, we need to delegate more, no, it’s not our job to take on other people’s problems. But we’re up against generations of conditioning. In order to create more space for strategic yeses, we need to unlearn habits that don’t serve us. And that means learning how to say ‘no’. So, here’s our handy guide to doing just that:
 

Superwomen outsource

Your easiest ‘no’ is said through action. If it’s within your budget, consider paying for a cleaner, gardener or food delivery service to help at home. No spare cash? Make sure you’re dividing chores fairly and not shouldering the full burden. At work, outsourcing means delegating work and trusting your team to share the load.
 

Boundaries work

Boundaries are a secret weapon for maintaining sanity, but that doesn’t make them easy to establish (or enforce). It feels lousy to disappoint a colleague, friend, or boss, and no one wants to be labelled ‘difficult to work with’ or ‘not a team player’. The answer isn’t always to take on more. Learning how to say ‘no’ clearly and helpfully can highlight your strategic value while maintaining a manageable workload. 

The ‘not now’ no 

Instead of a direct refusal, offer an alternative solution. Show off your planning and prioritisation skills and give practical context about timelines:

• I’d love to help, but I won’t be able to give this project the time it needs until [date].
• This feels lower priority than [existing work] but more urgent than [existing work]. If you agree, I can get onto it straight after I’ve finished up my top priority.

The retrospective no

If you get a request from a sponsor, or an opportunity to take on strategically important work, then you should say yes. You’ll need time for deep work, so review your existing to-do list and retrospectively say no (or ‘not yet’) to some items.

• I’ve just taken on [important piece of work]. It takes priority over [existing work], so I will either need [x weeks] extra to complete it or pass it over to someone with more capacity. 
• I’ve just taken on [important piece of work] and would like to discuss discontinuing [existing work]. While it’s useful to do, it’s a much lower priority than [other work] and could be picked up again in a few weeks/months if we think it’s still important.

The grateful no

If there is more than one opportunity to take on valuable work, ask to participate when you have more capacity.

• Thanks for thinking of me; it sounds great. I want to do my best at [existing work] and can’t take on too much right now. Could I contribute in a smaller way? (Think feedback, advice, or any smaller task)
• Sounds amazing! Could I pencil myself in for the next time this opportunity comes up?

The ‘are you kidding me’ no

Is someone asking you to do non-promotable work (e.g. buying gifts, organising social events, bringing in food)? Communicating your boundaries more assertively (and kickstarting a broader conversation about equitably sharing the load) is ok.

• I’m always happy to play my part in building a great culture, but I volunteered last time. Feels like it’s someone else’s turn?
• I agree this work is important. How can we allocate it equitably or ensure it’s in someone’s job description?

The ‘I need to leave now’ no

Setting personal boundaries is ok, as most of us have commitments outside work hours. The best time to set these? In advance. That way, everyone knows your availability ahead of time and can work around it. Pre-establishing boundaries don’t always mean they’ll be respected, so this ‘no’ is a good opportunity for reinforcement.

• I’d love to help, but I have a conflicting commitment.
• I really appreciate you coming to me with this. I have my usual hard stop at [time], so I won’t get to it until [day/time]. 

The ‘not on that committee’ no

Are people continuously coming to you for help solving their problems? Before leaping to action, make sure you’re actually being asked to help (or whether the ‘help’ required is just acknowledgement of the problem):

• How can I best support you?
• I hear you; that must be tough. 

No means yes!

It’s your responsibility to manage your workload, ensure you have enough time, and focus on delivering organisational priorities to the best of your ability. Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you uncooperative or unfriendly, but it does protect your well-being and makes space for strategic yeses. As with everything, planning makes perfect: Before you say no, determine why you’re saying it, what alternatives you could suggest, and (if applicable) when you could reasonably expect to get on to it.

Then communicate your answer clearly and confidently, and get back to the work that moves you toward your goals.