Feeling stuck? Not sure of your next move?

Picture this: it’s 5pm on a Tuesday, and you’re wiped out. It feels like your employer treats decision-making like a potluck, your manager is absent and erratic, and one of your colleagues seems committed to undermining everything you do. You, a friend and a flurry of complaints head out for a debrief.

By the end of the evening, you’ve bonded over horror stories of mismanaged workplaces, evil employees and unmanaged overload. You leave feeling righteous in your annoyance.

But what did you change?

Complaining and control are inversely correlated

We love a good vent as much as the next person, and articulating your frustrations can be an incredibly helpful way to clarify them. Powrsuit was founded on the idea that a challenge shared becomes a challenge overcome—so don’t get us wrong—we don’t come from the school of Keep Calm and Carry On.

However, when we feel powerless to change the situation, it’s very easy to get stuck in a problem mindset. What starts as a helpful tool can lead to unintentionally embedding a mindset of helplessness.

Complaining is a tool of the powerless

Think about the times you find yourself complaining. Is it when you can’t see a path forward or a way out? We complain when we feel trapped, a response to being ‘stuck’.

We’ve been there. It wasn’t that long ago that Nat was in an unhappy relationship and a workplace that didn’t align with her values. After a solid six months of talking and complaining, a direct question from her coach changed everything: ‘Why are you staying?’.

As soon as she identified a path forward, the complaints stopped, and the action started. A mere few months later, her life looked very different. So why did it take so long?

You have two choices

Complaining is usually a bid for validation. Our friends and colleagues are happy to offer this much-needed comfort and emotional support during tough times. It’s healthy and a great way to express, understand and navigate big emotions.

However, complaining can take us in two very different directions:

1. Getting stuck

We can get a false sense of control from not being in control. By blaming other people, we extract ourselves from responsibility – if we can’t do anything about it, we unconsciously permit ourselves to sit in indignation. Sadly, absolving ourselves of responsibility doesn’t mean absolving ourselves of impact. That impact can play havoc with our own behaviour and mental health – and leave us stuck in a cycle of complaining.

2. Taking control

After a well-needed vent, we ask, “What can I do to change the situation?”. This simple, powerful question challenges us to take control, give feedback to our manager, address the tension with a colleague, put our hand up for the opportunity, or leave the job.

Taking control is not always about solving the problem; it’s sometimes about minimising the impact on you. Think shifting mindsets, setting boundaries and practising empathy. 

We choose control

We get to decide how we respond to every challenge we face. Even when it isn’t our fault, there are always opportunities to improve a bad situation. Is it our job to? Not necessarily. But self-leadership means looking for opportunities to take control and drive positive change.

We’re not telling you to cancel the wine and whine. We’re just suggesting you finish with this one question: 

“What am I going to do about it?”