When you should (and definitely shouldn’t) apologise

As you know, Powrsuit is about taking control of your career through small changes that compound quickly. Well, this change may be one of the smallest of all, but it still has a strong sway over your future trajectory. 

Many of us have a complicated relationship with apologies. If you’ve ever been told you say “sorry” too much, you probably do (don’t worry, we do too). But swinging too far the other way isn’t the answer – the real skill lies in knowing how, when and if you should apologise.

Stop the self-sabotage

Being too liberal with your sorrys makes you look unreliable – it’s giving chaos. Most situations call for confidence, not contrition, so it’s time to ease up on the unnecessary apologies:

Asserting boundaries

You haven’t done anything wrong when you take control of your calendar, decline an invite, or say no to extra work – so don’t apologise for it. If sorry has become your shorthand for dealing with discomfort, it’s time to find new words. Share a better solution, showcase your prioritisation skills or explain your reason – basically, be helpful, not helpless.

Speaking up

For the love of women everywhere, please don’t apologise for having a voice. When you start with “sorry, just wanted to say” or “sorry for interrupting”, you immediately undermine whatever comes next. Instead, try: “I’d like to add”, “here’s my perspective”, or a simple “excuse me”.

Asking questions

As an incredible person once told us, “the best questions are so dumb that everyone is too scared to ask them”. Speak up, and you’ll be instantly recognised as the smartest person in the room. Curiosity is a strength, not a burden, so while you’re at it, drop the “sorry to ask…” and start with “can you clarify?” or “I’d love to better understand…”

When someone else is in the wrong

Unless you’re truly taking ownership, don’t muddy the waters by leaping in with an apology. If you need to chase up on an email or deal with the fallout of a mistake, offer support instead of a sorry.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word…

Now we’ve got that out of the way, it’s important to be clear: We don’t subscribe to the ‘never explain, never apologise’ school of leadership. It might make you look like a tough guy, but if the current geo-political climate is anything to go by, we don’t need any more of them. 

Refusing to acknowledge mistakes doesn’t show strength; it shows a lack of accountability. And, if you agree with our thoughts on chronic cancelling, you probably also believe in fronting up to your failures. So, instead of simply saying ‘apologise less’, we’re going to tell you to harness this great skill in the right situations:

When you’re late or cancelling

Yes, we’ve already covered this, but it’s worth repeating. Ignoring the impact of your absence is inconsiderate at best, rude when it becomes a habit. The odd late arrival or last-minute cancellation is just life, but when you have wasted someone else’s time (even if you have a good reason), show respect through a well-worded and genuine apology.

When your mistake affects others

If you’ve missed a deadline, dropped the ball, or held up someone else’s work, fight the urge to downplay or deflect. Owning your mistakes shows maturity, but ignoring them? It leaves stakeholders wondering if you really understand the implications of your actions (or inaction, as the case may be). 

When you interrupt

As extroverts, we’re shockingly bad at this. It’s not you, it’s us: We get excited and jump in mid-sentence, mid-story, or mid-update. But we don’t want to live in a world shaped by sameness. While fast-paced conversation works for some of us, it excludes others. Introversion, internal processing and neurodivergence mean people don’t always pivot after an interruption; they shut down. In this situation, you should be sorry – you just lost out on the immense value of diverse perspectives.

When you hurt someone’s feelings (even unintentionally)

Sense you’ve crossed a line? Apologise. Think it’s too late? It rarely is. A retrospective apology can be just as impactful, sometimes more so. 

When there’s still time to do something about it

The one exception to the too-late rule: When you see a disaster coming, and don’t say anything. Yes, Bieber, it is too late now to say sorry. If you might miss a deadline or have made a mistake, be upfront as soon as you can. Raising issues early and asking for help isn’t a sign of defeat; it’s a power move. But if you do leave it too late (which you won’t), your ‘sorry’ better come complete with an action plan for next time.

Sorry is not a full sentence

Not all apologies are created equal. We’ve all experienced a non-apology that makes a bad situation worse. So, if you’re going to say sorry, make it count by including these four key elements: 

1. Acknowledge:

“I take responsibility for…”, “Sorry for interrupting, please continue”. 

Avoid making it about you: “I always mess up.” plants you squarely in the victim role while putting the actual victim in the awkward position of making you feel better.

2. Understand: “The reason was…”, “On reflection I realise…”, “I overlooked…”

Don’t be vague! “Sorry if that caused any issues” doesn’t show ownership; it shows that you’re not really sorry at all.

3. Impact: “I understand this caused …”, “I see that this has…”.

Don’t embed a bad outcome through poor timing: If you interrupt someone, a quick in-meeting apology followed by a genuine post-meeting one will show much more respect than stopping proceedings for a full debrief. 

4. Action: “Here’s what I’ll do moving forward…”, “Next time, I will…”

Retire the reflexive ‘sorry’

Apologies aren’t a sign of weakness; they’re a sign of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and accountability. But we need to use them with intent.

The next time you find the word ‘sorry’ forming on your lips, pause and ask yourself: Am I genuinely accountable, or am I just shrinking myself?